Mending A Broken Heart In Ten Steps

Heartbreak sells. Just look at the countless novels, movies, and self-help books that have made a fortune out of the tragedy of the human heart. Once broken, it seems that every fibre of your being is compelled to feel broken as well. All functions cease and the world stands still. That’s why everybody avoids having a broken heart or when they are suffering from one, does everything to repair it.

Romantic love is something everyone aspires to have. It’s euphoric nature makes every human being’s sole purpose to seek love all throughout their lifetime. There is no bigger tragedy than finding love elude you or nothing more painful than unrequited love. They say it’s much worse than physical death— you are alive and breathing yet suffering from feelings of powerlessness, frustration, and devastation eating away at you every day you are heart broken. You grieve, and much like in death, go through the stages of denial (He’ll come back), anger (I hate his guts), bargaining (Maybe if I wasn’t too clingy, he’d come back), depression (I don’t think I’ll ever want to love again), and finally acceptance (I’ve moved on).
Many people seek therapy or professional counsel to help them get over a broken heart. But if you can’t afford it, here are steps you can follow to arrive at the same goal: break free from heartbreak!

#1 Acknowledge the reality that your feelings of love and hurt were real.
Just because it didn’t turn out for the better, doesn’t mean your relationship was a sham. You both felt in love when you were together and you did enjoy the experience together.

#2 Love is always a blessing.
Not a lot of people get to experience love in their lifetime. So consider your experience with love as a rare gift, even if it caused you pain.

#3 Everything happens for a reason.
You may not see it clearly at the height of your pain from the heartbreak, but once the air clears and you can think more rationally, you’ll realize that it was for the better.

#4 Live in the present.
Leave the past behind and not worry about the future. Instead take care of today. Today is real and very much here, under your grasp and control. Take it as an opportunity to control what you want for tomorrow.

#5 Channel your emotions.
Don’t bottle it up. It’s like keeping a bomb in a pressurized chamber—sooner or later it’ll explode. It is always healthy to express anger and grief. It is one way to let go of your feelings by acknowledging that they exist.

#6 Cut all ties.
No, you can’t be friends. At least not yet. How can you move on if you constantly see him/her, go through their Facebook posts, accidentally text message them, or pass by a place they frequent. It’s like whacking your head with a rock you picked up yourself. Remove yourself from feeling constantly rejected.

#7 Turn to family and friends.
It always helps to have someone listen to you and it is comforting to be surrounded by people who actually love you and care for you.

#8 You are worthy of love.
Often after a heartbreak, you tend to feel unlovable. That is not true. You may have felt unloved by one person. But it’s just that ONE person, not the entire universe.

#9 Love yourself first.
They say love is an extension of yourself and before you can give love, you must have love first. So accept who you are and love yourself for all that you are—flaws and all. You can’t love someone else without loving yourself first.

#10 Everything passes.
Before you know it, it’ll be over. It may take months or years, but it’ll be over. Soon enough, you will love again.

How to Move On From Infidelity

Relationships fail every day. Some people just don’t work out together. Hearts are broken everywhere. But the worst heartbreak of all comes from being cheated upon. Whether you walked in on your partner with someone else or read a flirtatious text or email, the hurt and betrayal hurts a lot. Clearly, the relationship is over. But how do you move on when you are being held back by a crippling self-doubt on what you could have possibly done to deserve such. Here are some things to help you move forward.

#1 Never look at yourself to blame.

Your initial reaction might include endless questioning of how it could have been your fault why he/she cheated on you. Maybe you were emotionally unavailable. Maybe you’ve let go of yourself. Maybe you were suffocating him/her. You should stop yourself right there. NEVER accept responsibility for their actions. Cheaters are 100% responsible for their behavior.

#2 Quit searching for an explanation.

Don’t try to make sense out of nonsense. There is no justification for cheating. Yes, you love him/her and you might go into rationalizing their cheating behavior, but like what was said before—no matter the reason, cheating is never acceptable.

#3 Do something with your time.

People have this notion that time heals all wounds. Well, not entirely. You just can’t expect to wake up one day feeling all better without doing anything. You just can’t lie on your bed and expect the universe to give you a fresh start. It is YOU—you have to decide to move on. It is what you do during the time you are reeling from the heartbreak that will ultimately help you achieve freedom from the hurt that anchors you down.

#4 Don’t bottle it up.

Seek the support of family and friends. Share your experience with a trusted person and let them help you go through the process of moving on. They are a welcome distraction. When you’ve been holed up in someone’s life for some time, it will be helpful to reconnect with loved ones and feel cherished once again.

#5 Do not backslide.

If you are trying to move on one step at a time, don’t be tempted to take two steps back. Remove yourself from anything that reminds you of your past relationship. Cutting ties doesn’t make you bitter, it makes you smart. Never hang on to someone who only considers you as an option.

How To Tell If You Are More Than Just Friends.

BEST FRIENDS… WITH BENEFITS

            When friendship turns into flirtation-ship and more, know what signs to look for. Maybe you tell each other everything, you are comfortable with each other, or you long for each other’s presence. Suddenly your friendship takes on a new form into a budding romantic relationship. Here’s how to find out if you’re both on your way to becoming couples.

Your friends start teasing you.

            The reason why people tease you is because you both are giving off the vibe that something’s going on between you and your friend. They comment on how you two look good if you were a couple and how compatible you both seem to be. Oftentimes, you are so blinded by the “just friends” label that your friends notice the romantic spark before you do.

You talk to each other every day and very often before bedtime.

            And it’s not just casual talk, although most of your conversation is practically about nothing. You start talking to each other at length and you both begin to look forward to these conversations. You ask each other mundane details about your day.

You spend a lot of time together. Alone.

            You are beginning to both find excuses just to hang out together or do things together. You enjoy each other’s presence more than your other friends. You are often seen alone together and brush it off as just “hanging out” but in reality you both really don’t need and want the company of others.

Your gestures toward each other are getting sweeter.

            You notice you both always want to be in close proximity with each other and physical contact happens more often. There’s the occasional “accidental” hand holding, caressing each other’s back, draping of arms over shoulders, lingering hugs and sweet kisses on the cheeks, resting of heads on shoulders, or inevitable cuddling.

You have pet names for each other.

            Sure, friends have special names for each other. But for your someone special? They are totally something else. You both have this strong urge of affection for each other that calling each other by your names just doesn't seem right. Your text messages even start to include sweet nothings like “sweetie” or “babe”.

You both get jealous when the other is in the company of the opposite sex.

            When your “friend” get a special attention from someone else, you get this pang of jealousy. Meanwhile, they too give hints that they are feeling jealous when you are seeing someone else. Now why is that?

You finish each other’s sentences and occupy each other’s thoughts.

            You message each other almost at the same time and say “I was just thinking of you”. You also finish each other’s sentences and you practically know their secrets. Your conversations are laden with flirtation so thick you can slice it with a knife.

Blue Label Life

How Men and Women View Money Differently In Dating?

WHAT’S LOVE WORTH?

The topic of money has always been somewhat a touchy topic among men and women in the dating world. Money has been stigmatized as a non-topic when it comes to dating. But the reality is, whether you like it or not, one’s finance does key in as a factor in your dating life. The difference though as to how you approach the topic lies on whether you are a man or a woman. Here’s a look at the opposing views of the opposite sexes.

The Women

Women, mostly throughout history, have been portrayed as the damsel in distress. And even in today’s society, such stigmatization and stereotyping can’t be missed. Some women look to men as the ultimate provider and protector. That’s why some women often complain about dates going bad because the man didn’t pick up the tab or that he suggested they split the bill. Some women then do have the propensity to equate how men feel about them by the amount money they spend on them. ‘Why would he scrimp on me if he really likes me? Is money more important to him than me?’. Now, not all women are all like this. Modern day, strong, independent women no longer mind the adage ‘all is fair in love and war’. They don’t mind splitting the cheque or occasionally pay for a date altogether.

However, it cannot be ignored that most women favor men who can provide security for them, financially included. That is why we still see even old yet successful men being favored over the regular Mr. Nice Guy. Sometimes, being nice just isn’t enough.

But what do men think?

The Men

 Not that women are entirely the devil here, but the way people lived in the past plays an obsolete role in the present. Our society has evolved and continues to do so and the line that delineates men and women’s roles have become increasingly blurry over the past decades. Women strive for equality from men, so it is just but natural that men would strive for some equality from women right? And that includes the rules in dating.

If the roles were reversed, surely men don’t feel good where women don’t either. If they have a hefty paycheck, sure they might not mind so much paying all the time. Oftentimes, the confusion arises from the fact that men can be quite at a loss that paying or actually showing an initiative of wanting to pay is important to some women. Because it’s not important to them. Most men actually do not equate their feelings with how much money they spend or your feelings with how much money you spend on them. So equating love and money will most definitely not end up well for either of you. Besides, if the two of you genuinely like each other, then it doesn't matter who pays for what just as long as you spend time together.

Dating Faux Pas That Keep You Single

When things aren’t exactly working the way you hope they would in your dating life, you might be committing some of these mistakes without even knowing it.

1. Bringing up your ex more than necessary. So what’s the norm when it comes to talking about your ex? The answer would be NONE because the past should remain in the past and there would really be no substantial reason as to why your ex should come up in your conversations with your current date. But should the inevitable question about your past relationships come up, simply respond with “I learned from it and have moved on since then”.
2. Making it all about you. Sure, your date might be interested to know more about you. But they’d like for you to ask about them too. You should open yourself up, but so should the other person too. But that can’t happen if all the communication is only coming from your end.
3. Carrying excess baggage. You easily boast of having moved on but you can sometimes be unaware that you keep on bringing up your past. The point it, you may share your baggage when appropriate and when reciprocated— but it should always be left at the door when you are starting to see someone new.
4. Full disclosure. While honesty is a sought-after trait, pouring out everything in your heart and soul to the person you are seeing doesn’t make them your date. Rather, you are turning them into a therapist and your date a therapy session.
5. Thinking that it’s all about chemistry. While chemistry plays a role in attraction and the success of any relationship, it takes many forms and each of which has to align in both individuals for a love connection to happen. You must have physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual chemistry. It’s never enough to be physically attracted alone because looks can only go as far.

Next time you are dating someone, keep these pointers in mind and do a double check once you sense that you might be committing one of these.